Forever Young

The ideas that shape our lives often come from our past experiences. Our minds are molded to mimic the actions and values we are taught at a young age. Specifically, the minds of children are easily manipulated and fashioned to think a certain way, at least for the early years of their lives.

Growing up watching Disney films, with a prevalent theme of friendship, there has been a common definition with the film. Quoting a few examples…

• “We’ll be friends forever, won’t we, Pooh,”                                                                                                                                  “Even Longer”… Pooh Said.                             – Winnie the Pooh

• “We’ll always be friends forever.” – Fox and the Hound

• “You’ve got a Friend in me.”   – Toy Story

• “I’m trying to be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship”   – Monsters Inc.

• Tow Mater:” I knowed I made a good choice!”                                                                    Lightning McQueen:” In what?”                                                                                                              Tow Mater: “My best friend.”    – Cars

The list can really go on forever.

What if we could hold on to our childhood values? If we could go back and remember what Disney taught us about friendships, how to treat people, how to love people, forgive, be reliable…would our relationships look different then the ones we currently have?

Honestly I think society has become too sensitive. They are so afraid of speaking up, being honest, being forgiving, that instead of doing the work to make a relationship work, instead they just let it go.

This is so frustrating to me! Friendships are something to value, the moment you share together and ways you grow are the only things that hold a real value in life. The ones you have to work at. The ones that are true and honest are the ones worth the most.

We can learn a lot from Disney, heck we can learn a lot from kids too. I have three cousins that I adore more than anything. They are so full of life, curiosity, sincerity, and are genuine in their pursuits. At there young age there really understand what a friend is supposed to be.

The oldest of the bunch is 7, and in the second grade. He was in class and there was some kind of competition for a prize. He really wanted to win, but did not. When his dad asked him why he was so upset, it wasn’t because he didn’t get the prize for himself, but because his friend had just lost his mother and going through a hard time, and he wanted to win the prize for him.

Can you imagine what life would look like if we held onto that childlike wonder, and put effort and heart into our relationships? Asked, what can we do for them, instead of what they can do for you?

November 5, 2015November 5, 2015 by rakoczym Categories: friendship articleTags: Disney, Friendship, Kids, relationship, true, trust Leave a comment

The Power of Forgiveness

I want to take a moment and talk about forgiveness. I want to touch on this because it is a vital quality to making relationships work. You are going to fight with your friends, be hurt by them, and feel let down. It is going to happen. This is where you can decide to run from a friendship or let your heart forgive a situation and grow together from it.

In a movie, The Power of Forgiveness, directed by Martin Doblmeier , the film focuses around different stories where having the ability to give forgiveness has made peoples lives better. The film suggest that if the whole world could become a little more forgiving then we would have a lot less war, conflict, and cohesive relationship.

I thought this movie was really touching and I agree with it completely. I pride myself on and believe that my best quality is my ability to forgive others. I am not the kind of person to hold a grudge, manly because I cannot stand to be angry. When your angry at someone you hold in pain that only hurts yourself not anyone else, it is just an excuse not to let yourself be happy. I love to be happy, and smile, and make other people smile. If you go through life choosing to forgive wrong done by you by letting go of the past, not only do you get to let yourself be happy but also the people who may have been in the wrong. This also allows the wrong doers to realize that someone out there has given them a second chance to do the right thing the next time. This was something I found extremely touching in the movie; where a father forgave a young man for murdering his son and went further to befriend the killers’ grandfather. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for that father to except his sons’ death and forgive his murderer. It showed though, how anger was not going to bring his son back, but showing the young man forgiveness, how giving him a second chance, was an opportunity for the young man to turn his life around in the years to come; it allowed him to grow into a better person. “If all the conflicts in the world could be resolved by forgiveness, what would our world look like?”

I know forgiveness does not come easily for everyone; I am lucky enough to have a heart that is capable of truly forgiving. Sometimes I do get frustrated when others do not share this same quality. I even see it in my mom, when a friend does wrong by her, she cannot let it go. She tells me she wishes that she could forgive like I do, and sometimes I just do not understand why she can’t. I forgive for myself, not for others, I don’t get how people don’t see that letting go of the past makes more room for happiness now. I know certain things are harder to forgive then others, but if everyone put in a little more effort this world could be a far more friendly and peaceful place.

October 29, 2015October 29, 2015 by rakoczym Categories: friendship articleTags: Friendships, real, relationship, true, trust Leave a comment

Because Love Does

In a book called Love Does , written by Bob Goff, he explains his life as a Christian and how his connection with God allows him to love in the ways he does. In no way are spiritual ideas forced upon the reader, more so it talks about how relationships in life are where your joy will come from. “Being engaged is a way of doing life, a way of living and loving. It’s about going to extremes and expressing the bright hope that life offers us, a hope that makes us brave and expels darkness with light. That’s what I want my life to be all about – full of abandon, whimsy, and in love.”

That quote speaks a lot to me and I want it to do the same for everyone else. If we are not present in the life we are living and don’t put effort into engaging with the people around us, then what is the point? What purpose do we have if we are only serving ourselves in this life? Life is about relationship. It is about establishing friends and family who we can share experiences with, grow from, learn from, and lean on, through all the good and bad. I don’t think that I would get up every day if I didn’t have people to engage with. My friends and family are my light in life; they are the people that inspire me to follow my passions, to want to do good for others, the list goes on.

Think of it this way. If you were the last person on this earth, literally nobody else, would you want to be gone to? I know I would. Why would I want to live without relationship or engagement, have nothing but silence all the time. Where would joy come from? We are not meant to walk alone in this life. We are here to boost each other up, we are here to love.

What if we start living life more engaged? I challenge you to dig into your friendships and see people for who they are. If they have changed, accept it as the new normal, find a new approach to connecting with them, love them no matter what. Find a way to enrich the relationship and be remembered not for what you do for them, but how you loved them.

October 22, 2015October 22, 2015 by rakoczym Categories: friendship articleTags: engage, Friendships, Love does, relationship, true Leave a comment

Friends are the Family we Choose for Ourselves: Character Sketch

Belle Raab is a 22-year-old student at Colorado State University seeking a degree in Business, yet has little idea what she wants her forever job to be.

5’4” and very much in shape, she dresses with class and earthy/neutral colors that resemble her down to earth personality.

Her long wavy brown hair is almost always down and flowing freely. It is only put up when she wants to focus, almost as if it is a strategy to pull herself together and get to work.

Her honest eyes, which change from blue to green, display so much wonder and purity. You know she’s always thinking about something and sometimes you just wish she would let it out.

She wears a smile as genuine as they come, and can brighten a room by merely walking in. The shining white teeth, light painted freckles on her nose, and small dimples on her cheeks are immediately noted.

Not only does her face scream sweet but also the way she can talk to people and sincerely care about what they are saying is a huge attest to her character. You will meet very few people who have little bad to say about someone, but Belle is really one of those people who sees the best in everyone.

For a person that seems like she has it all together, once you get to know her she’s not afraid to tell you that sometimes, more times than not, she is just kind of all over the place. Whether repeatedly getting on the wrong bus to school or spending hours searching for her wallet that was in her pocket the whole time, her humbleness and ability to laugh at herself is somewhat inspiring. She does get embarrassed sometimes, and when that happens she will bite her lip and make a joke out of the situation. In these moments her favorite go to lines are “could be worse” or “#StruggleBus.” She’s that person that doesn’t let little life moments bring her down, and instead finds joy in them. This is evident when almost daily you can count on her walking through the door eagerly seeking a person to tell her embarrassing story to.

Belle is a very studious person and gets her assignments done in a timely manner. She loves to learn and has a strong fascination of history. She can’t stand to not have something to do; she always feels the need to be productive and thus sometimes discovers it hard to find rest. When she is not in class she works at the Lory Student Center as a Building Manager for Event Services. There she is always bringing a positive attitude to a workspace that is sometimes lacking in motivation. She brings her coworkers up and lends a hand wherever it is needed.

In her free time she is either out for a morning run, rock climbing in the rec center, spending quiet time painting in her room, or out backpacking on the weekends. Her time in nature is where she finds peace and clarity. She values the beauty in the mountainous scenes around her, and refers to nature as life’s cheapest therapy.

With a mind full of curiosity, Belle embarked on a journey studying abroad in Florence Italy. There she had the opportunity to travel Europe and experience different cultures. Europe fit her well and definitely aided in her becoming a more worldly young women.

As she continues to grow and find her identity she is developing into more of a well-rounded person, trying to understand all that life has to offer.

October 15, 2015October 15, 2015 by rakoczym Categories: friendship featureTags: capture, Character Sketch, friends, friends are the family we choose for ourselves, Italy, relationship, travel, true Leave a comment

The Way of the Paesano

Building stronger relationships can be easy if we all could take the time to go back to its roots. This day in age we have veered away from the traditional definition of friendship. Friendship right now is simply defined as, the state of being a friend.

A Ted talk by Sean Lukasik, on the topic, A New Definition of Friendship, Lukasik brings the audience back to the traditional meaning of friendship. He describes how inviting neighbors over for dinner, engaging in conversation, borrowing a cup of sugar, etc., has become a thing of the past. It is something we say we think about, yet don’t do. Lukasik encourages getting back to the real origins of friendship by replacing the term with the Italian word, paesano, meaning people who live in the same town. He goes beyond that by saying in his hometown in Italy a paesano was someone you took care of. Now the terms are compared side by side. A friend shares pictures of their meals, says happy birthday on Facebook, shows vacation pictures, etc. But a paesano will invite you to dinner, send you a birthday card/party with you, be sitting on the beach next to you, etc. Lukasik say that the reason we now have more friends and fewer paesanos is because we get so distracted with life and ignore the real friends. Friends are the people inside the screens of our devices, paesanos are the people next to you that matter the most.

I myself lived in Italy when I was a kid. Coming from a military family we moved a lot. The best part of each location was never the place itself but the people that were in it. When we were stationed in Italy especially, we built one heck of a support system. From day one we made friends with a few other military families in the area. We looked out for each other constantly, traveled to other countries, went to dinner, played cards on our balconies, skied the alps, the list goes on. There isn’t anything that we all wouldn’t do for each other. We were family, and to this day those people are still in our lives and helping support us. They are our paesanos, they are the people we take care of, a friendship that works two ways.

So how do we go back to the way of Paesano? The easiest way to get back to this is to remember to love those around us and always look out for the important people in our lives. Strengthening friendships can be as easy as actually hang out, have real conversation, and engage in activity with those around us. The more we help others and show our love for them they will start to realize our genuine intentions and a stronger bond will be formed.

Did you ever have a Paesano? Would you want someone to be that for you?

October 1, 2015October 1, 2015 by rakoczym Categories: friendship articleTags: Friendships, Italy, Paesano, real, relationship, tedtalk, true Leave a comment

Faith, Trust, and…

Strong relationships can lead to having happier and healthier lives. Having solid friendships is a great way to build a support system. Friends can be there for you when you are stressed, pick you up when you are down, and give you someone to share life with.

Without community we lack purpose. If we live everyday just for ourselves and nobody else, then what’s the point? Love is what is going to bring us the most joy in life.

According to the University of Minnesota, people with firm relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely. This is because when people acknowledge the true and good relationships in their lives, verses the bad ones, their stress levels decrease and they are able to recover from difficult situations faster. In turn they also experience lower blood pressure because they tend to be less tense.

On the other hand, people with low social support, tend to have more symptoms of depression, decreased immune function, and high blood pressure. It is said that people with few to no true social connections are far more likely to experience higher levels of depression, fatigue, and pain. Loneliness can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle, consequently bringing down the immune system, rising blood pressure, etc.

It’s true, not every friendship we have is going to be perfect. Not all of them have to be. The key here is to develop a solid support system. Finding friends and family members that you can be real with. The goal is to feel secure, joyful, loved, respected, and comfortable being yourself.

We have become a society that hides behind our feelings. For some reason we feel the need to put on a mask and hide who we are and how we are really feeling. But wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to hide? If we had people in our lives we could be honest and truthful with? What a weight off the shoulders that would be. There are probably few people out there that are as reserved as me. But let me tell you, the day I found a friend I could be honest with, was the day my life changed. That friendship became one of the most valuable things in the world to me. She was one of the first people in my 19 years of life that saw right through me. The “I’m fine” was rebutted with a “no you’re not,” and from that moment I knew I could come to that person for help or support.

So how do we build this kind of relationship? Well the answer is easy, even if the follow through is difficult. We simply have to trust. Trust that our friends will accept the real us, and then maybe they will open up too. With trust and honesty can only come growth and we can all be more joyful and secure in our relationships.

I challenge you to reach out to a friend, classmate, or coworker and get to know them a little better this week.

Until next time,

Megan

 

For more on, why relationships are important, Visit The University of Minnesota

September 17, 2015September 17, 2015 by rakoczym Categories: friendship articleTags: Friendships, honesty, real, relationship, true, trust Leave a comment